The Elusive Act Of Self-Love

 How I Found & Kept Self-Love

I recently recorded an episode for Pen To Paper Press, a Podcast regarding authors, editors, and publishing in general, and we found ourselves discussing the importance of self-love. While I've mentioned, and sometimes elaborated on self-love, I've never put it in the spotlight, so I mean to do that now. Because, you know, it's only the most important aspect of building a beautiful life.

It wasn't until I discovered self-love that I even knew I was missing out on it. You see, through all of my years of drinking and visiting facilities, I genuinely thought I had massive amounts of self-love. I had to, otherwise I wouldn't have frequented so many states and institutions. I had to love myself, for there was the proof: he won't give up on himself. But this wasn't true self-love. This was my survival instinct, patches of self-love, and sheer stubbornness. The tiniest little flame within me refused to let alcohol win, and I am forever grateful for that flame. You have it, too. Even if you think you don't, you do. You just haven't gone a quest to find it yet, and that's okay.

Once I viewed myself objectively, it became clear I was simply a wounded, scared boy trying his best to cope through each day. I'd developed poor coping techniques, but I shouldn't hold that against myself. I tried my best, but now it was time to pursue an alternate route. I wasn't angry at this boy. I wasn't ashamed. I just wanted to help him be a better version of himself.

Now, this didn't happen overnight. I continuously had to remind myself to take it easy. Rather than fester in shame and guilt, I had to shift my perspective toward healing. I had to recognize that scared boy as valid and needing of my utmost attention. I had to place his needs above all else, in order for him thrive. And in the beginning, it was work to process and cope through the day like this. I had spent so many years in one pattern of behavior and it was no easy feat to break that cycle. Not at all. But with constant work and Mad-Eye Moody's constant vigilance, I found my way through to self-love. I was able to secure a resting space where I found love for myself.

Nowadays, it is much easier for me to be gentle with myself and others. I understand we're all battling something within our own lives, and I'm much more sympathetic to the plight of being human. Feelings, man. They're powerful AF. They're exhausting and consuming and controlling. But when harnessed properly, they do allow for the most amazing escapades. Work on it a little bit each day, and sooner rather than later, you'll notice it becomes easier and lasts longer as each day passes. Live for yourself, in the moment, because you're beautiful and worthy. You're valid, no matter how depraved you've become/are becoming/became. Try a dash of patience and gratitude to get you started.

As always, have fun until next.

And also, everyone go listen to "My Healing" by Sophia Spallino, an astounding, uplifting song about self-love and healing. The lyrics are so very impactful.


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