Showing posts from August, 2021

Will I Ever Be Able To Drink Again?

 Coming To Terms With Life-Long Abstinence Whoa, that heading sounds serious, huh? I mean, probably because it is. Aside from accepting I'm an alcoholic, coming to terms with the fact that I should not drink again, for the rest of my life, was daunting. To say the least. And I know: live for today, don't future trip, stay in the moment. But, um, I can't stop my mind from having thoughts. I can only stop myself from acting foolishly when these thoughts are harmful. So, rather than ignore them, like I used to do, I choose to embrace them. I allow them their proper respect. Because it's an insane thought for an alcoholic. Like, hold up, wait. You're telling me I can never again  drink the booze? I can no longer relax and dance with my friends while wasted? I can't take some shots and giggle while posing for ridiculous selfies? I can't hang by the lake and sip wine as the sun sets? But let's be real, I never did any of that shiz in the first place. I downed

Let's Be Real, Some Days F****** Suck! Or Do They?

Cut The Crap, Charlie! It's Not Always Rainbows & Grape Blunt Wraps! Lately, I've struggled with finding the beauty in each day. It's as though I've plateaued to a bland, mundane level of completing daily routines. Now, I know this is normal for recovering alcoholics and addicts, but I was really hoping I could bypass this step. Because, at the end of the day, I'm still a lazy drunk who wants to feel good by doing as little as possible. Earn my happiness, what the frog is that all about, yo? Why can't I just be happy, no matter what? And then I think, but wait, happiness without other emotions isn't really happiness at all, now is it? Perhaps I need these bleak, ordinary days in order to appreciate the dynamics of this thing called life? What is they say, without the rain, we would never appreciate the warmth of the sun? Something like that. But they're right, whoever they are, we're not meant to live endlessly in an oasis of joy and delight. It

Stumbling Upon Joy

How Writing My Memoir Brought Me Joy Hi, y'all!  Sorry it's been a while, I got tied up with the launch of my memoir! It went better than I could have dreamed, and I'm very grateful for the support and love I received! Thank you all! If you haven't had a chance to pick up a copy, click  here to purchase an eBook or paperback.  I began writing October 29, 2020 and finished my first rough draft on May 31, 2021. It changed my life. I found myself, through writing about myself. I understood and forgave myself. It was an extremely rewarding experience, and allowed me the chance to cope with my trauma in a way I'd yet to explore. I have made breakthroughs in my recovery by writing about the depths of my depravity. And I now understand why my counselors and therapists so often advised journaling. But you see, I never actually journaled, unless I was locked in a psych ward, hidden in a rehab or living in a sober house. I poured my emotions into a notebook for a few days,