A Post For Those Just Finishing My Memoir

Did you randomly come across my memoir? Who is this Charlie Gray dude? Why did he write a memoir?

I am so humbled by the response to my story, and would like to take the time to explain a few questions I've received regarding my journey.

Q: Why did you spend so much time on Palm Beach Retreat and Reflections?

Over the last 11 years, the only time I had true sobriety was in a detox or rehab. I don't count my stints in psychiatric wards, as I was quite adept at manipulating the doctors and nurses for pills I didn't need. Detox and rehab were the only places I found sobriety, and my time spent in those facilities felt like years. Because I was sober. Because I was contained. Because I was forced to come face-to-face with the depravity of my actions. Also, I learned some of my most valuable lessons, experienced some of the most impactful moments of my life, and formed some of my greatest friendships during my visits to rehab. I am not ashamed of rehab, and clearly I support it as a form of treatment for addiction.

It was important for me to convey this through those chapters. I wanted it to feel awkward, like why are we spending so much time here? You see, that's exactly how I felt, and hoped to project this onto readers. That's also why some chapters are so short; they're what I can remember, little flashes of madness. My intention was to highlight various forms of therapy while writing the “rehab chapters,” as well.

Q: Do you still talk to many of the people you wrote about? 

Yes, I do. Some have fallen off the radar (Jayce), but for the most part, I'm pretty connected with the majority of people I wrote about.

Q: And you just brought up a big question: Jayce. What's up with that? Were you in love? What happened there?

I think I experienced a bit of love with Jayce. I don't think I was madly or deeply in love, but I most certainly cared for him immensely.  We haven't talked in years, and I hope he's doing well.

Q: Why was it important for you to be so candid?

A few years ago, I read The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins, and I was so comforted by her accurate portrayal of an alcoholic. Paula Hawkins wrote in vivid detail the horrid things we do in a blackout, and it was so refreshing for me to read. I knew when I started writing that I wanted to include the gritty, grimy details of my past, in order to help those reading it in the future. The reason for the majority of my writing falls underneath "I don't want others to feel as alone as I did." And "I want others to know they're not weird or morally depraved, merely intoxicated."

I have been a guest on several recovery podcasts as well, and in them I go into more depth regarding my saga of alcoholism. Check them out on wherever you listen to your podcasts: The Addicted Mind (Episode 144); The Courage to Change (Episode 118); Recovery Elevator (Episode 343); Pen to Paper Press (Not Sure on Episode Number); gAy A: A LGBT Podcast About Sobriety (Episode 23). I have a few more recordings coming up as well, so stay tuned!

I truly hope reading my memoir allowed you some release and respite. I am busy at work on my follow-up, The Frog’s Bottle: A Zany Recollection of Relapse & Rehab, which chronicles my stay at a treatment center in Kansas, September 2019. And get excited, y’all,‘cause it’s a doozy! 🙃 If you have any further questions, please leave them in the comments below and I'll be sure to respond!

Thanks for reading, and have fun!